29 Apr

So the semester has come to a close. It seems impossible that I am done with my first year of graduate school.

I feel that I have put my blood, sweat and tears into this first year, and though it was difficult, I am really proud of the way things turned out. I do not have any finals next week, and my final papers are all pretty much finished, so I am feeling pretty good right now.

At the end of a school year I always like to look back and reflect on things that I’ve thought about or am currently in the process of figuring out, and this year is certainly no exception.

I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past year. I’ve learned that I can handle a lot more than I ever thought I could, and I’m stronger and smarter because of this realization.

Last year around this time I was still reeling from a broken engagement and wondering where life was going to go. I was graduating with my Bachelor’s degree and had absolutely no clue what I wanted to do next. I realized that I could go into the job market, but for some reason that just wasn’t appealing to me at the time. It was then that I arranged to acquire a graduate assistantship, so that my school would pay for me to receive my Master’s degree.

Around this time last year I was really struggling in terms of my faith. I will be honest, I’ve always known that God is there. I’ve never questioned that. I suppose that people question God’s existence because they don’t necessarily see the effects that he has on their lives, but I must say that I’ve seen too much not to be convinced of his involvement in my life. But at the time, my heart was broken, and I just could not understand why it had happened to me.

I’m still not sure that I know that answer to all of that. But today I was thinking about how blessed I am to be where I am at in my life, and I am thankful that God spared me from a life with a man who didn’t really love me, and from going down a path that would have deterred me from my dreams.

Sometimes as I sit in my Master’s classes, I smile to myself when I think that I almost wasn’t here, I almost threw it all away. How crazy! I’ve always dreamed of going to graduate school and becoming a professor of literature someday, but I’ve always limited myself, thinking that for some reason I could never do it. In the past couple of months though, I have learned that not only am I capable, but that I can excel at anything I choose to do.

Part of this confidence in my capabilities comes from deep-rooted faith. I have found myself again, I have found my identity as a believer. I understand that a lot of people don’t understand how I can believe in God, and I just have to counter that with the response that I don’t understand how they cannot. I have seen him do great things in my previously broken life.

He’s given me new relationships with wonderful people in my new church, and provided great people with whom I’ve pursued dynamic and deep relationships outside of the church walls. I am continually blessed when I think of my beautiful relationship with my boyfriend. With Ryan, I am with my best friend. Friendship is the cornerstone of our relationship and I have been so blessed by the love and strength that flows from such a foundation. He supports my studies, and he encourages me to pursue my dreams.

This is not to say that life perfect or that everything always falls into place, but I firmly believe that with faith, along with the support of family and friends, that anything is possible and that the pieces of the puzzle always come together. I am thankful for this year, I am thankful for the trials that taught me to embrace who I really am and enjoy this life as it is right in this very moment.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: